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Emily Post of Cyberspace

A little politeness goes a long way
in the world of e-mail

By Theo Gantos

There are a lot of new people using e-mail these days. So many that I am frequently asked about e-mail etiquette. Not that I want to be remembered to posterity as the Emily Post of technology. Here are a few tips that will keep e-mail a positive productivity tool while evading the traps.

E-mail is an excellent tool for rapid, hot-response, topic discussions. A good e-mail exchange has a lot of back and forth discussion, highly terse informational content, with opinion or conclusions clearly separated from facts. Alternately, it is also good for keeping team members up to date.

Where are the weaknesses? It's not a stellar idea to get really emotional or to negotiate a contract in this medium.

Because people can't see you, it's hard to know when you are using humor to relieve the tension that is often inherent in face-to-face discussions.

Strong opinions seem all the more stronger, even dogmatic, when presented in writing, and can often put people off or generate animosity. Because e-mail is somewhat out of sync with time, detailed negotiation of issues can become quite tedious and require much more energy than a simple face-to-face encounter or even a telephone conversation. E-mail serves well to arrange the meeting, set the agenda, and provide advance background material.

Negotiating in person
I have found negotiating for commitment is usually much easier in person. You won't make any friends by sending a request for action to someone while copying the world.

Avoid using the cc: and to: lines as a way to gain leverage in a negotiation. Your recipient may (correctly) interpret this as a threat and write you off as a barbarian. I am also opposed to the CYA e-mails, which seem to make up the bulk of messages clogging corporate inboxes.

This "copy the world" style seems intent on boxing the other person into a corner. Instead of persuading or recruiting someone to join a team effort, they try to bully them into it with the threat of professional embarrassment.

I usually don't respond to any messages I am cc'ed on.

In fact, unless it concerns me directly, it will probably go into the trash. Etiquette suggests that if someone is on the to: line, you are expecting a response from them. So choose your recipients carefully.

I especially loathe (and I'm probably not alone) getting e-mail messages with pages and pages of detail over an underlying aggressive tone.

This style is of the belief that if you strike first and strike hard, you will win the argument. I think this is an even more barbaric style than the "copy the world" type.

Ironically, this type needs to vent their aggression, not sublimate it into lengthy discourses. E-mail messages should be thought of like an extended greeting card, briefly introducing whatever supporting documents are attached. Use attachments for information longer than one page. Use e-mail to summarize the material and request whatever action you wish from your recipient.

When you do need to voice strong opinions or just need to vent, use a disclaimer. Most people use the words *FLAME ON* and *FLAME OFF* to separate tirades or "flames".

Be careful about what you say about others -- a little politeness goes a long way. Unless you are absolutely positive about your facts, refrain from pounding someone because of a possible error. Someday you too might be the recipient of such a pounding.

Disagreeing
If we demonstrate respect for each other, we can disagree without being disagreeable. It can also save embarrassment if you turn out to be wrong.

Using a question/response format can help. Most programs put > in front of each line automatically when you choose to reply to a message sent to you. Edit the e-mail header and "Yours truly" out and put your response after each question or point. This helps the other person follow your thoughts easier. Always use a descriptive subject. This is thoughtful and saves time because the reader can then prioritize messages in their inbox without needing to read each one.

A great way to address e-mail is to both use the person's full name and e-mail address. E-mail addresses take the form: someone@somewhere.com. Often these addresses are less than "human friendly", i.e. 33456.1132@compuserve.com or dufus444@aol.com.

It helps to indicate who you are sending to. To add "human friendly" names to e-mail addresses, put them in quotation marks: "Sandra Someone" <someone@somewhere.com>. The < and > are the internet equivalents of quotation marks for the address, this tells the email program to ignore everything but the information between the <>. If a message is misaddressed, it makes it much easier to know who it is for, and it may even reach the person.

Spelling and grammar are important, but not as critical as in written correspondence. People can forgive minor mistakes made in the interest of speed. If you have the time, check your spelling. You'll make a better impression that way.

E-mail can be a great tool if you understand its strengths and weaknesses and try to work within them.

Theo Gantos is president of TEKA, a technology consulting firm. Contact him: